I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
