It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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