Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
