I like to think it a success when the cops are called
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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