I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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