Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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