you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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