community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
