My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
