I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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