What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
