what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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