you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i think my cat just said my name.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
