when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
vagina is talking i cant
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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