Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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