Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
