I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
COCAINE IS GR8
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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