it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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