i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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