That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
