i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
