No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
