You really coming over, don't trick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
