Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we made out on top of his cat.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
