what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i've created a new STD.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
