Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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