Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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