i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
