he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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