So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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