That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
