I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
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You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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