Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
