My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
