like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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