when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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