my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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