My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
