alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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