When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
