Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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