she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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