thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
