Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
