I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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