I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
