I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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