Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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