I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
