At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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