you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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