im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
