This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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