There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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