I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
