I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
