I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my poor anus
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
