Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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