I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
